There's No Crying in Fourth Grade (or Third...or Fifth)!

Before I begin this post, I have a question: Does anyone else think Paula Abdul is absolutely annoying? I'm catching up on the "American Idol" episode that I missed this week, and I can't sit through another minute of Paula standing up and dancing to almost EVERY.SINGLE.SONG.

Okay. Focus.

I love my job because I teach three grades (3-5) and every day something new happens. My rather cute Repeat Offender Number One has a history of crying every time he thinks he's about to get in trouble. It's his personal defense mechanism because he's learned that if he turns on the waterworks, his cute quotient increases tenfold. Whenever the cute quotient is heightened, classmates, support staff, office staff, peers all rally around Repeat Offender Number One to make sure that he's okay. Those tears make me melt, the boy is that cute. Sometimes I forget why I get mad at the child in the first place.

But Repeat Offender Number One's evil ploy to make my heart melt stopped working around the third month of the school year. No longer could he fool me with his little baby wails and fat tears, for I was immune to the crying.

I still am immune to the crying.

The other day Repeat Offender Number One annoyed the hell out of Charity (which he does often). When Charity gave him a piece of her mind, Repeat Offender Number One threw a tantrum and stomped around the room.

"Repeat Offender Number One kept putting his paper in front of my face. I told him to stop, and he continued, so I swatted the paper away," Charity explained calmly.

This is where my stern face and voice entered into the equation.

"Repeat Offender Number One? Did you annoy Charity?"

"Yes," Repeat Offender Number One said. His eyes were as big as saucers, and I could forsee the fat droplets of saline running down his cheeks in the near future.

"Did you put your paper in front of her face?"

"Yesh."

"Did she ask you to stop?"

"Yesh."

"And then you put your paper in front of her face again?"

"Yesh."

"Why did you do that?"

And WHOOSH! The floodgates opened, and the tears began. This is where I gave my "tough love" speech.

"Alright, Repeat Offender Number One. Remember the principal made an announcement about how many more days were left in the school year?"

"Yesh," Repeat Offender Number One whispered.

"Well, that means you're almost in fifth grade, and you know what that means?" Repeat Offender shook his head back and forth.

"That means that there's no crying in fifth grade. Do you see the others cry when they get in trouble?"

"No."

"Okay. Man up, buddy."

So at this point I'm thinking that I'm going to make a pretty horrible parent. However, Repeat Offender Number One needs to learn that crying will not get you out of sticky situations that you have created.

The following day Repeat Offender Number One and Fraggle had a minor problem during gym. When I went to pick up my class, the gym teacher filled me in on the events between Fraggle and Repeat Offender Number One.

I put on my "mommy" voice and looked at Repeat Offender Number One.

"Did you and Fraggle have a little problem today?"

(Enter the "almost" waterworks)

"Yes! Yes! I - I..."

"Repeat Offender Number One? Remember what we talked about yesterday? Remember that the principal made the announcement about how many days were left in school? Remember what I said?"

Repeat Offender Number One squared his shoulders, opened his eyes, and said, "NO CRYING!"

"That's right, Repeat Offender Number One. No crying."

Gosh, I love my job.