Memories

Today I ran into Judy, a wonderful elderly woman who used to work in my 5th grade classroom several years ago. While we were walking down the street, she asked me if my boyfriend and I were still together. My boyfriend and I took a break in the fall, and she knew about said break.

"Oh thank goodness!" Judy shouted. "You two are just so wonderful together! You would have such beautiful children!"

Meanwhile, my inner thoughts were racing. After the hours that I put through during the day, there's no way that a permanent child would be welcome in my womb. Seriously. I get to send the kids in my class back home at the end of the day. Imagine my frustration when I finally discover that I won't be able to send my child back to where s/he came from? REALLY.

Judy also said something that really touched my heart. She told me that relationships have a lot to do with reciprocity, and that real love comes from being around each other and just taking time to appreciate all the nice things that your partner does for you and vice versa. So that got me REALLY thinking. I hate being sappy and personal, but I'll put it out there for all the world to see.

My boyfriend actually rocks. It took a break and a lot of tears to come to that conclusion. If I compare every guy I met prior to meeting and being with him, they pretty much fall short in some way, shape, or form. Plus, the others weren't really interested in me as a person - a living, breathing, four-eyed (only because I wear glasses) person. I think I was more like a receptacle at the time that I knew these "guys." I really shouldn't talk that badly about them, because I was an idiot for every thinking that anything good would come out of being a receptacle.

I'm thinking about one guy in particular. To this day he completely reminds me of Hugh Grant's character in "Bridget Jones' Diary." I really kind of fell for him because he was just so charming and so damn good looking and I would have never have thought a guy like him would have been remotely interested in making out or even thinking about a girl like me.

The long and short of it is yes, we did make out; and no, he didn't really like me. I think he liked physicality (who wouldn't?), but he didn't like me as a person. I'm afraid that he still doesn't. Over the years I slowly came to realize that I was falling into the "He's Just Not That Into You" category. It took me YEARS to realize this. YEARS! It kind of hurt a little. Okay, it hurt like hemorrhoids or like 9 months of teaching the one kid I absolutely couldn't stand, but you know. Whatever. Actually, it still hurts...and it kind of damaged my self-esteem and self-worth just a tad.

I'm not actually angry with this person, because if it wasn't for him, I don't think I'd ever have been able to appreciate just how wonderful some men can be - especially the current boyfriend. I wish this person all the best of luck with relationships, and I hope that he will find someone who will really and truly love him.

I found my love, so everything is just keen.

But no babies. None of that. None. I wouldn't handle pregnancy or babies fairly well.