Real Housewives. Real drama. Only on Bravo. All I can say is that I've missed the ladies of Atlanta tremendously. New Jersey? Eh. California? Double eh. New York? FABULOUS. Atlanta? Double FABULOUS.
Kandi and her fantastic bling
Kandi is the newbie of the show, and I don't know how I feel about her yet. I mean, I get it. She was in group Xscape; when she was 17 she had like, platinum albums; she writes songs for famous people; blah blah blah. I really wasn't interested in her back story as much as I was her ring - and the fact that her soon to be hubby has six children of his own.
Instant "Brady Bunch," anyone?
So when Kandi flashed that baby in front of the cameras while gabbing to Lisa, I had to get my sunglasses because I thought a solar eclipse was happening right in my own home. Lisa made some comment about Kandi's soon-to-be really loving her, and it was a rather touching moment. I cried a little. I cried even more when Kandi *shyly* showed Lisa her huge rock that has a gadzillion carats and something like twenty million diamonds around the band. Thanks, Kandi. We get it. Next time, just be the bitch that you are, fling that bling and say, "Yeah. I got it locked down like what,bitches!" because that would make me want to hate you.
But I'm still a little wary of her engagement to a man that has an instant family in a can.
Niecey Nash's Birthday Bash
Fangs up; claws out.
Lisa, NeNe, and Sheree were all invited to Niecey Nash's birthday party. Lisa, NeNe, and Sheree all took pictures with Niecey Nash. The girls looked spectacular in their very expensive clothes. Sheree was the only one who had the audacity to ask someone who was interviewing her, "Whose party is this again?"
Sheree, I love to hate you, but girl, you shouldn't go to a birthday party when you don't even know who the birthday girl is. Etiquette, mama. Et.i.quette.
So in the midst of all of this fabulosity, Kim Z. shows up, walks past Lisa and NeNe on the red carpet, and then makes a narrow escape in her gas-guzzling Escalade before Sheree makes her appearance. This was SERIOUS talk amongst the Lisa, NeNe, and Sheree (hereafter known as the Trifecta), because they seriously wanted to give her a piece of their minds after she talked crap about them all.over.town.
NeNe wants to have a sit-down where the Trifecta talks to Kim Z. about why she's talking smack. Lisa was the only one wise enough to realize that confronting Kim Z. as the Trifecta will have serious ramifications.
My only hope is that these fireside chats will rival those of Bethenny and Kelly. Bring.It.On.
Reunited and it feels so good
Can I just say that I loved the reconciliation between NeNe and Sheree? Really, these women have known each other for years (supposedly), and they've been through a lot together. They sat down like two very mature adults and just aired their grievances in a calm, mature, manner. I, of course, loved how NeNe admitted in her interview that she wanted Sheree to at least shed a tear.
That's right, girl. Fangs up; claws out. Go for the blood, and if you can't get blood, try to make them cry.
The reconciliation between Sheree and NeNe reminded me of the time I lost a person who I considered a really good friend. Long story short, my friend and I are no longer friends. I was dealing with some other issues during our friendship and didn't know how to fake my emotions. Things were just getting way out of control and affecting the way I was interacted with people in general. Long story shortened further,my friend decided that I was a social leper. End of discussion.
I tried contacting her to discuss where I erred, and then? Well, I received an e-mail telling me that it wasn't healthy for her to be friends with me, and that it was better to think of ourselves as acquaintances.
I was pretty much floored. There was no sit-down discussion between friends in a mature matter...nothing. Two very wonderful mutual friends hinted at the possibility that the friendship could be restored in time, but no. It won't. There will be no nice sitting down on a fall day in a park a la NeNe and Sheree and just talking about our respective sides of the story. My former friend said what she needed to say (granted she basically told me to go fuck myself via e-mail), and that was that. I realized my former friend wasn't the friend I thought she was, and that true friends will stick by your side through anything. I do thank my former friend for providing me with a learning experience. I feel like I'm a much better and stronger person because of what happened.
But enough about that. Back to my favorite housewives.
Kim Z.: WIG-U-LOSITY!
Kim is still my favorite hot mess of all hot messes. If I could give her an award, I would. Now I must say that Kim does look thinner and hotter, but I couldn't admire her beauty because her wig? Distracting me.
Kim, honey. When you can't flip your hair like the white girl you are because you're wearing a bad wig, it's totally time to invest in some quality hair. No more of that Barbie-doll hair - and you know what I'm talking about here. You have the hair of a Barbie doll. Your hair is not made from human hair or horse hair, but from synthetic fibers *gasp!*
The best was when Kim went to the "beauty school" to learn about wigs and weaves because "[White women] are behind the trend of weaves and wigs," and she wants to start her own wig line.
The needle scratched the record here. WIG LINE? SERIOUSLY?
Needless to say this became a running joke between me and a friend of mine on facebook. Seriously.
Fast forward to Kim sitting in a room filled with black women and nappy headed wigs. No, I'm serious. Nappy headed wigs on black mannequin heads. It was a personal affront, because my hair doesn't even REMOTELY look like the wigs these girls were working on. Not every black woman has kinky hair, and not every black woman has that horrible "playground hair" that sticks out and refuses to lie flat.
Seriously. Can we like, fast forward to 2009, please?
So my Barbie doll hair Kim is *trying* to keep her eyes awake while the instructor tells her class of future Cosmetologists of America how to curl black hair. Comedy immediately ensues when Kim tries her hand at curling a nappy headed mannequin's hair and gives up. Kim? That dream you had? Look! There it went. Right out the window. Good luck with your wig line, Kim!
"Who's going to check me, Boo?"
Ohmyfuckinggod. How much did I love the catfight between Sheree and the party planner? Because I can't recreate the awesomeness of that interaction, I have a rather fantastic video clip from Bravo on my blog.
"Respect my executive decisions?" I think not, Mr. Party Planner!
Sheree, I'm totally with you. What the hell ever happened to customer service?
'Til next time. Fangs up; claws out. If you can't go for blood, make them cry instead.
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