Excuse Me, Joseph Gordon-Levitt? I Just Wanted to Tell You...

Image via Wikipedia

...that you are one sexy beast of a man. I have followed your career on and off ever since I first laid eyes on you on NBC's "3rd Rock from the Sun." I loved you in "(500) Days of Summer," and you were looking especially fine in "Inception."  In short, I wouldn't throw you out of bed for eating crackers.  In fact, I wouldn't throw you out of bed at all.  EVER.

Honestly?  If you and I were the last two people on the face of this earth, I would compromise all of my morals and take one for Team Humanity and have relations of biblically epic proportions with you (See, Sarah Palin?  I made up a word too!  "Biblically" isn't recognized by a spell check.  I'm on my way to becoming the next Shakespeare!).  If  I suddenly found out that you needed a surrogate mother for your first-born?  I'd offer my womb - no questions asked.  In fact, I believe that you are just the man who could take Number Twenty-Three's place as the man who could make all the members of a Nativity scene weep.  I also believe that you could sail more than 1,001 ships (Sorry, Number Twenty-Three. Hopefully we can still be friends?).

So Joseph?  If you're down with brown, please please please do me a favor and find me.  Please.