The Teacher Diaries: Of Mice and (Wo)men

Image by Beth M527 via Flickr

I usually love animals, but when the animals are rodents, I do not love. I can handle roaches, flies, water-bugs, caterpillars, lizards, and anything else God put in the animal kingdom, but I absolutely draw the line at home invaders such as mice and rats.

The other night I stepped into my kitchen to get a glass of water. It was about 10:15 p.m.; I couldn't sleep, and I needed to relax with a cool cup o' agua refresca. Imagine my surprise when I let there be light and a rat the size of a week-old kitten, scurried from its chill out pad on my stove, banged its nasty little tail on my tea kettle and wok, and hid behind my microwave. I screamed a little, and waited for Mr. Ratty McRat Rat to come back and make his appearance.

He never did. I, however, slept with one eye open with a bat in my right hand that night.

So the next morning I drafted a rather polite e-mail to my landlord.

Dear Sir:
Last night I saw a rather large rodent the size of a baby cub (added that for emphasis) run across my stove at approximately 10:15 p.m. The suspect was about six inches long. He wore sunglasses, carried a martini glass, and wore a white shirt that read "I Brake 4 Peanut Butter." He had rather wiry fur, and I seriously think that he has set up residence here. As per my lease, I am not to sublet this apartment to anyone, nor am I to house any guests for an extended stay of two weeks or more. If you could please give me the name and number of an exterminator, I would be more than happy not to report you to 311.

Sincerely,
Tiny Teacher

Because my landlord is amazing, he sent a reply within the hour. My landlord informed me that Miguel, the super, would arrive promptly to take care of the rodent. He also informed me that he *never* had a rat problem before, and that he was truly sorry for the inconvenience. No sooner than I had closed the e-mail, Miguel arrived, ready to send Mr. Ratty McRat Rat packing - or at least onto a glue trap.

In true C.S.I./Law and Order form, I rather dramatically showed Miguel the scene of the crime.

"You mean, he just ran across the stove?" Miguel asked.
"Yes," I sobbed.
"And could you tell me what happened after that?"
"Uh," I stammered in between sobs. "I...I...screamed like a little girl, jumped on my bed, and rocked back and forth for approximately five hours."
"I see. Well let me try to take care of the situation for you."

So Miguel promptly "took care of the situation" by pulling the stove out from the wall. Imagine my surprise when I saw not one, not two, but three glue traps on the floor. Never had a rat problem before my ass Mr. Landlord, I thought to myself.

Within five minutes, Miguel swept away evidence of the glue traps of rats past, replaced the stove to its proper home, and set down two perfectly new glue traps to inform Mr. Ratty McRat Rat that he was not welcome in my heazy.

As of the current date, I have yet to see Mr. Ratty McRat Rat's lifeless body on one of the two glue traps Miguel placed in the kitchen. I? Am still sleeping with one.eye.open until justice is served.