Love Letters From Tiny Teacher (Part I)

Dear Anderson Cooper,

I must say that I am *slightly* in love with you, and we appear to have a lot in common. For example, I like CNN. You like CNN too, because you host your own show on CNN. I like "The Real Housewives of Atlanta," and you too like "The Real Housewives of Atlanta. You love NeNe Leakes, and I also love NeNe Leakes!

You hate Heidi Montag. So do I. I want to stick pins in her implants.

I think you know where this is going, Anderson. We are destined to be together. You can feel it. I can feel it...it's just magic.

I do, however, have some reservations about the place where you chose to sculpt and tone that wonderful little body of yours. I heard you workout at David Barton's, which makes me wonder if you'd really be committed to um, having a relationship with me. Some people are even spreading rumors about your sexuality. I am absolutely positive that the rumors about you are untrue. I mean, I was little suspicious about two weeks ago when you called into Andy Cohen's late night show to discuss the drama on RHOA, but I later decided that you have fabulous taste in television shows.

Fabulous.

But if the rumors are true, I'm more than willing to um, be a surrogate mother for you and your partner...as long as we get to make the baby the Biblical way. Your mother, Gloria Vanderbilt, won't have any problems with the fact that the baby might be a little dark, will she? Because if it's going to be an issue, I'd like to have a sit down meeting with her prior to um, you know, conception.

Whatever, Anderson. I support you, and your hair looks fabulous. You are a silver fox. Call me!

xoxo,
Tiny Teacher



Dear Rain,

Image via Wikipedia

You are just so hot. So so so so so so so so so hot.

Really hot.

Super hot.

Did I mention that you were hot? Yes? Oh.

We have a lot in common. You are Korean, and I have a Korean grandmother. Well, it's by marriage, but you know. My grandfather and Korean grandmother have a child together, so um, it's kind of binding (at least in my mind). I read on the internets that a lot of agencies didn't want to sign you to whatever because you didn't have the little fold over your eyelids.

Poppycock, I say! Your eyes? Are beautiful. Please don't change a thing.

Listen. If you had a peg leg and had some missing teeth, I would still love you. Even if your breath smelled like rotten tuna, I would still love you. Okay, so I might put a bag over your face, because of your teeth and rank breath, but you know what? Love mandates that one looks past the superficial. Your abs clearly indicate that you have a high level of fitness, and that's more than enough to keep me happy.

But what about your inner beauty, you ask? Well if your inner beauty is any indication of your outer beauty, then I? Am all set. You might have the worst voice ever, but I don't care. Your voice will always be special to me. Really. I'll just wear earplugs whenever you sing. Not a problem. Let's do this. Have your people get in touch with me within the next week or so. Thanks.

Love,
Tiny Teacher