I've Seen "Silence of the Lambs," So Your Pickup Lines at Night? Don't Work.

About two weeks ago I wore my lucky dress - courtesy of Express - to a friend's going away party.  The dress was fun, flirty, and flouncy, and I would like to think that I looked like one hot chick that evening.  So when I was flouncing my flirty dress home at 1:30 a.m., I was rather startled when I heard a voice call out in my direction.

"Hey!  Excuse me?"

 Now this is the part where I should have known from experience (read: Every episode of murder and mayhem that I watched on ID Discovery this summer) that one should never ever ever turn around and talk to crazies when it's dark.  But my brain?  Didn't listen.  So what did I do?  I turned around. 

"Yes?"

And then?  I waited and prayed that a white, red, or black GMC truck wouldn't approach the curb.  I waited and prayed that I wouldn't be pushed into said vehicle and have my hands bound behind me with duct tape all because I was stupid.

Image by Hugo90 via Flickr

"I just...I don't really have a question.  I just wanted to tell you that you're beautiful."

"Oh!  Well thank you for the compliment!  That made my evening," I replied shakily, still waiting for the GMC van to approach the curb.

And that's when he grabbed my hand.  Fuck.

"So where are you off to?"

"Me?  I'm just walking home."

"And do you have a boyfriend?"

"I do."  Now at this point?  Homeboy still had his hand around mine, and it was looking seriously doubtful that he was going to let go, because that GMC truck?  Hadn't arrived yet.  I think he was stalling.

"You're killing me.  Too bad for me."

Yes, too bad for you, I thought to myself.  Too bad for you, your duct tape, and your buddy who's driving the GMC Killer Van from Hell.

Til next time...